Current Music: Some song of which I don't know the name, but which I've heard several times on the radio, by an artist I've never heard of.
Current Thought: Okay, school's over for the day... Now the hard part starts.
I'm torn. Half of me is so unmeasurably relieved and glad that I said what I said when I said it. The other half is unmeasurably afraid that I have, once more, gone and ruined a perfectly good friendship. But at least I've said it. I did everything I could, and it's not up to me anymore.
Do you have any idea how good that feels?
On that note, I have to say a huge thank you to Natalie. The letter I wrote you was therapeutic, and the conversation we had was even better. You told me what I had to do to change things, and I hope I did the same for you (in a totally unrelated situation, of course). That, coupled with some very fervent last-minute prayer (along the lines of, "Sweet God in heaven, what in Your holy name am I going to say?!"), gave me a lot of courage. And have I mentioned that I'm happy for you? No, I probably haven't. Well, I'm mentioning it now.
I don't think the person I spoke to last night expected me to say what I said. I don't think I expected me to say what I said, but I said it, and that's what counts. That excruciating, heartbreaking part of my life is finally over, and I think I can begin to move on.
Anyway. Y'all may not hear from me for a while; things are gonna get real hectic real soon. After Bible Quiz Nationals, I'll have a bit more time to post and converse and update. So for now, thanks for reading, and namar.
Current Music: The Valley Song, Jars of Clay (stuck in my head)
Current Thought: I've never been so depressed in my life.
Last night:
I dreamt that my cat, Minnie, had kittens. And they were all mini-Minnies, except for one that was all brown with a few black spots thrown in. Also last night, I dreamt that my Bible Quiz team went to a cabin on the lake, and there was a dinky little gift shop/antique store nearby, and inside I found a rack of vinyl records. Among them were several rare and collectible U2 EPs and LPs, with songs I'd never heard of before, and cover pictures of the band when they were teenagers. And I found myself blessed with quite a bit of money with which to purchase these little black circular gems, and just as I was making my valuable selections, I woke up. Oh, pain. Oh, irony. I wish I could live in dreams.
Night before last:
I dreamt that I and the rest of my youth group went to a big party at the Williams' house. And we were all hanging out, and it was cool, until I looked in the driveway and realized that not only was my Camry there, but my parents' Stratus was as well. Oh crap, I thought, how am I going to get both cars home? Then, to add insult to injury, I realized that the Axons' Isuzu (which now somehow belonged to us) was also there. So I had to get three cars home. And then I tried calling my parents on Natalie's cell phone, but her phone was like some complicated computer, and when I dialed their number, it started playing jazz music. So I tried it on Luke L.'s phone, and that didn't work either. And the last thing I remember was that I was driving the Stratus and Natalie was behind me in the Camry, and we were on the highway, and that was it.
Current Music: Grateful Dead (I think), on the Writing Center stereo.
Current Thought: I'm done with Political Science homework! Yessss!!!
Yesterday I saw Monty Python and the Holy Grail for the first time, beginning to end. It wasn't exactly the festival of hilarity that everyone I know seems to think it is. I liked it, don't get me wrong, but I was kinda disappointed. Minute-for-minute, I think Dr. Strangelove was funnier.
Anyway. Yesterday, I also had a little impromptu debate with Katrina about acting skills. Specifically the acting skills of Tom Cruise and Keanu Reeves, and which one actually has acting skills. My vote went to Cruise, but mostly because he's the lesser of two evils. I simply despise Reeves in every film he's ever been in. And everyone else at church agreed with me, but Katrina and her mother seem to have some strange attachment to Keanu, and insist that he beats Cruise any day of the week. *sigh* There's just no accounting for taste anymore.
So. Also on yesterday, I went to rehearsal and then hung out afterwards waiting for Sam to arrange the trip to Jhan's house to watch Monty Python. Then I tried calling Natalie to get her to come along as well, and she somehow managed to turn my well-intentioned invitation into something along the lines of "I've got work to do, and you're immature and irresponsible, and you don't think about other people." I'm really pissed now. I mean, really. It's stewing. It really is.
Well, enough about yesterday-- let's talk about today. Today I came to work, and I've spent most of that time doing homework for Political Science that's due tomorrow. But now I'm done, done, done, and free, free, free! I was gonna cut out early and go sit in the car for an hour and eat cookies, but I'm not sure who else is gonna be working from 1:30 to 2:30, so I'll probably just stick around and get my cookies afterward. Yippee.
